Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Just some random thoughts

I’m officially back to school for another semester. Hooray!!
Today was the first day back to work, tomorrow classes convene and Monday revival starts.
How exciting; new classes and new people to meet who are coming in for their first semester.

Christmas break was ok.
That’s all...ok.
It was nice to see my family, I guess. To be honest I wasn’t ready to go home. I was enjoying my independence here at school and having my own life. Like I said in an earlier blog, I felt like a stranger in my own land.

Brenda still isn’t back and all I feel as I sit here typing this blog is loneliness. I’m trying to stay positive and keep my mind on the things of God, but it’s hard when I feel so emotionally drained. There are so many things running through my head; about my parents, my sister, my family, my past, my future…and for the most part they aren’t very positive things.

You know, the mind is a powerful thing. It’s amazing that what you think about can affect you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I love to think and day-dream. It’s one of my favorite hobbies! Unfortunately I waste a lot of my time doing just that, and hardly get anything accomplished. When I “wake up” I’m either in a more depressed mood than I was earlier (such as now) or a happier mood, I can feel sick to my stomach (like now), sometimes I feel like I’ve let God down, or that I’m right in the center of His will (and, actually, for the mood that I’m in I know I’m right where I aught to be with Him, I have no doubt about it). These are all huge results from just the little gears working in my head. Lol. Now there’s something, the psychology of thinking about thinking...very interesting.
Ughhh!!! I just feel like crawling in a hole somewhere, and I think the closest thing to that are my bed and the covers thereupon……but come on, that’s just absolutely ridiculous...isn’t it? Mental picture: me curled in a tiny ball, under my blankets, lost in my depressive thoughts. That’s kind of scary..."think positive things Megan."

Ok, since I don’t know what else to write I’ll end this very random blog with this quote,

“Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish.”
~Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

1 comment:

Pugsby said...

Learn to enjoy random thoughts and behavior. It's more fun that way.

Also, positive thinking is over-rated. What I consider to be more stable is accurately accessing situations for what they really are, then devising a mental pro/con list, and finish it off with a thought about a way to improve the situation.

If you get stuck thinking "OK, I can only think positive thoughts", then that impedes the whole process. Thinking a negative thought, if it's accurate, can be one of the best things for you.

Think about it. Not everything is positive. There is probably as many negative things as positive in this world. Without embracing the negative side of the equation, you'll always be a little off-center.

At least that's my theory. I may expound on this theory some time, but I'm starting to sound like ancient asian philosophers. The point is, learn to process your thoughts, rather than let them work on you to move you to depressed states. There are ways to filter your thoughts, but first you have to just accept the reality that some of your thoughts will be negative. And there's nothing wrong with that.